mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
