it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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