Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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