I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
