when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
