I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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