He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
