I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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