You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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