I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
