You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
