i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
