Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize