I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
