Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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