I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
