So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
