I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
