I bet he comes in French.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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