everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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