IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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