yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize