Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
