Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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