And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize