Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
