I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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