I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize