I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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