Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We had sex on a dog bed..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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