he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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