What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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