ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just fell off a train. Bad.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
