I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
