Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
