From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The struggles of a small town man whore
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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