that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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