Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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