I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
