I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
