8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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