mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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