The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
