maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
