it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's great music for shaving your balls
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
