she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
