I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
