Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
