I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
