I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
