I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
