i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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