I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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