i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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