capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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