I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
