..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
