Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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