just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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