you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
well you can't waste a boner
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
this hospital has no fireball
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
