ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize