Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
