We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
