Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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