someone threw a dead crab at me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
