So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize