smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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