I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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