Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
