Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
