My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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