Small penises have feelings too.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
