That's when you crack a 10am beer
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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