: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
