My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
