There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
