Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
