Screwed.edu
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize