Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
