Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
