New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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