i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
