a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
