onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
