i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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