What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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