Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
