dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
